When is it time to reach out? 

3 common mental health difficulties and the most common reasons why it's so hard to just reach out

One of the hardest questions anyone dealing with mental health can ask themselves is “When is it time for me to reach out?” The obvious answer is “now”, but as someone who dealt with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, I know the “obvious” answer isn’t as clear cut in one’s mind. The truth is, asking for help can be very difficult, if not impossible. 

You might be worried that you are becoming a burden on your loved ones. This worry could spark your anxiety. All of a sudden you become more anxious over the fact that you are once again anxious, and being anxious is what you think makes you a burden. Asking for help makes you feel guilty, with brings you anxiety, which makes you a burden, and… the cycle doesn’t break. 

Or what if you are experiencing a psychosis all alone? You may feel like you cannot ask for help because your condition makes it hard to build lasting bonds with friends and family. You may not have any close relationships where you feel comfortable enough to speak up about your mental health. It can be terrifying to feel like there is no one there to help keep you safe. 

There is an exhaustive list of reasons why people struggling with mental health refuse to reach out, even if the quality of life would be drastically improved with the help of medical professionals. I can’t list them all, but here are a few common reasons people may feel like they can’t reach out, and some recommendations for if you find yourself in a similar situation.

1. Dealing with depression

To whom do you reach out to when all your friends and family are sick and tired of you “still being depressed”? “Can’t you ever be happy?” These sentiments are unfortunately often held by people suffering from depression and their peers. 

Depression is a complex condition with multiple possible causes. From changes in brain chemicals, to traumatic experiences, to environmental causes, there are many reasons a person could become depressed. Due to this, depressed people have an extremely hard time finding pleasure in everyday things, and generally have a hard time being happy. This can result in complete lack of motivation and will do to anything, including taking care of oneself. If you leave depression unchecked for too long, it can cause lasting changes to your brain that can result in apathy and difficulty problem solving. It is never wise to leave it untreated and hope it goes away. 

So why don’t people reach out? The condition itself causes the sufferer to become more recluse, even when they are surrounded by loving people. Due to the self-destructive nature of depression, reaching out can sometimes feel like it “defeats the purpose”. 

Another reason can be (and this will be a common reason for all mental health issues) the lack of a proper support system. This includes dismissive parents and siblings, lack of support from religious institutions, dismissive friend groups and unsupportive workplaces. 

What you may be tempted to do is reach out to anyone who will listen, but you have to keep in mind that you are entrusting them with personal information, and must choose someone with your best interest in mind. If you can, educate someone close, either a family member or friend, about the condition. Know that it is not your fault, and you cannot simply choose to change and suddenly be happy. If you cannot find long term familial help, but can rely on someone short term, utilize their help. The best way you can do this is to ask them to help set up an appointment and drive you to the doctors. Above all else, you need to speak to either your family doctor or a doctor in a walk-in clinic as soon as you can. Be prepared for the recovery process to have a lot of ups and downs. You might not get along with the first therapist you see, but if you keep looking you will find one that can help you. The same goes for medication (if your doctor determines it is an options for you). There are multitudes of different antidepressants available and it may take many tries to find one that works for you. However, the faster you get help the sooner things can get back on track. 

If all else fails, please check out what resources are available in your area, if you are from Ottawa, you can find the Ottawa distress centre at https://www.dcottawa.on.ca/i-need-help/ 

If you are alone and a danger to yourself and are having an emergency, please call 911. 

2. Dealing with Anxiety

The world is in Armageddon… again! While sometimes that is true, (say, a pandemic), most of the time, the world is not ending. In fact, regardless of what you think your world is also not ending. You might know that, and your family and friends know that… but your anxiety does not. Almost as if it has a mind of its own, or as if it is getting messages from a sixth sense, your entire body is telling you that your world is just inches away from ending. Who do you turn to when you are alone, experiencing another bout of anxiety, and nothing you do can stop it? 

Why is it hard to reach out? A common thought surrounding anxiety is that the more you talk about it, the worse it gets. However, a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help guide you through your state of panic. Anxiety is sneaky. Since anxiety is built from our survival instincts (fight, flight or freeze), it is very good at feeling very, very real. So it is sometimes hard to realize that what you are feeling is anxiety. Everyone’s reactions to anxiety are different, too. Some people might become angry or confrontational, some people might have bouts of crying. Figuring out that the source of these feelings of worry or fear is from within, and are not linked to reality is hard because your anxiety will do everything it can to tell you that the “threat” you perceive is real. When I was suffering from severe anxiety, pushing the button on a bus to request a stop would make be feel immense panic. What if it’s the wrong stop? What if people look at me weird? What I did not realize is that while most people might have fleeting worries about things like this, it is not normal to physically feel ill or paralyzed at the idea of embarrassing yourself by pushing the button early. There is no real threat to my safety in this situation, but anxiety makes it feel like my life is in danger.

Who to trust: Again, your family doctor / any doctor will be crucial in finding the next best steps, which can include therapy and/or anti-anxiety medication. Medication can provide relief when you feel an anxiety attack coming on, and therapy will give you the tools to recognize and combat anxious thought patterns. Exercise, breathing exercises, mindfulness and meditation can all help with anxiety, so be sure to ask your doctor for more information and find a treatment plan that will suit you best. 

If all else fails, please check out what resources are available in your area, if you are from Ottawa, you can find the Ottawa distress centre at https://www.dcottawa.on.ca/i-need-help/

If you are alone and a danger to yourself and are having an emergency, please call 911.

3. Dealing with Suicidal thoughts

I’m going to come out and say it. Never, ever has it been true that talking about suicidal thoughts is only a form of attention seeking. Yes, it calls attention, but it calls attention to a problem in someone’s life. Someone who is fulfilled, happy, healthy and safe rarely spares any moment talking about ending their life. Just because your life may not be the equivalent of drowning in sorrow and pain, does not mean that having suicidal thoughts makes you selfish, entitled or ungrateful. It’s a sign that there is something missing in your needs and there is a hopelessness to it never being filled. 

Why is it hard to reach out? Suicide is a taboo subject, or at least, very much was. Now, people talk about it a lot more openly, and there have been many campaigns to try and de-stigmatize suicide, but this does not apply to every circle. Some people still find it hard to bring it up to their friends and family, either due to cultural reasons, or due to the fact that they don’t “fit” the stereotype. What I mean by this is most people have an image in their minds of what a suicidal person “should” look like. Of course, this makes no sense at all, as anyone can suffer from suicidal tendencies. But societal pressures can place limits on how often someone can talk about it. 

Who to trust? Not to sound like a broken record, but your doctor, or any doctor, should be a priority when dealing with the next steps in your recovery. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. As someone who lived in that darkness, and was sure I would succumb to my own cause of death, imagining a life without thoughts of suicide was impossible. I won’t try to convince you that with a little work, you can imagine your life without suicide, because I could not do it myself. If you’ve been in those trenches, you know it too. The way I dealt with it was like this. I accepted that I wanted to end my life and became brutally honest with myself to others in my family. I then put my life in their hands and simply let time take it’s course. 

This requires complete trust in the people in your life. As I’ve stated before, one of many reasons why people can’t reach out, has to do with the fact that they have no one to reach out. In this case, your nearest mental health facility can help you guide you through this. Number one is to accept you are suicidal. Number two is to let someone know. Since you yourself have run out of options and see no hope for the future, then why not let someone else try?

While this line of thought will bring out feelings of being a burden, hear me when I say, your friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances will much rather “have to deal with you” than “have to bury you”. 

Suicide is not fair. It plays dirty. It does not choose people with intent, it targets at random. You are a victim of it through no fault of your own. Truly, if you knew what life events, stressors, chemical imbalances would have lead you to become suicidal, and was given the chance to go back to a life before the affliction, would you make the same choices? You are not to blame. Suicide is not fair. 

If all else fails, please check out what resources are available in your area, if you are from Ottawa, you can find the Ottawa distress centre at https://www.dcottawa.on.ca/i-need-help/

If you are alone and a danger to yourself and are having an emergency, please call 911.

Follow us on our twitter, facebook and instagram for updates to new blogs and podcast.